A True Story

I was born as the fifth child into a family in poverty due to my father’s alcoholism. I was the fourth girl and from a very early age I had felt unwanted both as another mouth to feed and a girl at that!

My mother was angry to find herself pregnant again and had the sixth baby terminated because she "couldn’t even feed the five they had!" which caused me to feel that I was a burden.

It would have been better for the family if I’d never been born!

This severely affected my attitude to life, so much that I married an alcoholic like my father who became violent sometimes when drunk and whose anxiety made him controlling even when sober. I thought I could "love him better".


In February 2005 I finally left him after thirty years of marriage. I had avoided therapy because I thought I would leave him if I ever got up the courage to tell anyone what was happening. So I then began a course of counselling.


At the same time Joy Idries, who is an amazingly gifted and accredited Journey Therapist, offered me some Journey Therapy: It is like an intense internal personal journey. I was invited to go down some steps in my imagination, which helps to let go of the thoughts usually swirling about my busy mind and focus on becoming ready to listen.

I pray regularly and am used to listening to God who has spoken to me many times.

This particular day I imagined that I was an egg in my mother’s Ovary. I know it sounds a bit weird but it didn’t feel weird at the time. There were lots of other eggs in there with me but I was on the threshold and I felt as though I was being jostled. I realised that they were all happy and smiling and they were acting as if it was a party. They were cheering for me and I distinctly heard the words "Go on, it’s your turn! Off you go!"

The feelings I had overwhelmed me as I was so used to keeping my emotions in check in order to keep my marriage. I realised later that I had been suffering from the equivalent of survivor’s guilt.

Since then I have been training to be a counsellor myself and intend to open a respite centre in the Lake District for people who feel like shouting "stop the world I wanna get off". I already have the domain name so that I can set up a website to raise funds so that people who are or who have been suffering from domestic abuse but can’t afford a retreat can go there.

I have come a long way from the down-trodden doormat I had become who when told to jump would meekly ask "how high?"

Today I know myself to be a fun-loving, decisive, powerful, beautiful, sensitive, compassionate and intelligent woman who is putting myself first and seeing to my own needs.

I found this wonderful poem and some post-it replies which have some good bite-size quotes in it too:-

Stop the world I wanna get happiness
A poem by Serendippidydog 11 August 2004

Happiness is a state of mind

How is it then that for some of us it seems hard to find?

Has our mind moved to another state?

Or have we not the time for happiness to contemplate?

Fast world on the move gotta keep the pace.

Isn’t life meant to be more than a race?

Down shifting down scale down hearted.

Is happiness so elusive? So departed?

Can it be that it’s in the simple things that we take for granted?

Maybe we have obscured those things or at least look at them slanted?

Good humour warm intentions sensitive connections.

Is this more in happiness’s direction?

Languishing beach walks drinking in the setting sun’s artistic wonderment.

Revelling in summer’s glories with all its fruits and rich tapestry of abandonment.

Looking through the world in simple appreciation coloured glasses.

It’s gotta be a happier alternative than being run off our asses!

"Life is about being UNHAPPY with CHUNKS of happy thrown in. And if you think about the happy things for longer you forget the unhappy things."


"I always seem to be in pursuit of happiness and then, when I look back on my life and experiences I know I have been. Its just that at the time, I was too busy to notice."

"I've done the whole 'downsizing' thing. A few years ago I was working so many hours I didn't have time to spend the money I was making, and I had to pay other people to do the things I would have liked to do myself. But when I gave up work, the kids missed their nanny! I had no money and was miserable all over again!"

"In my experience the grass isn't greener, its just different grass! " "Happiness is hard to recognise and maybe that is because we don't have the time often to just experience the moment, the time to contemplate what makes us happy....I personally like some nice relaxing music, warm bubble baths..swims in the ocean..walking the dog.. good company"

Oh wow! I feel so normal and HAPPY!!!! (that's my comment not another quote but feel free to use it!! Ha! Ha!) Flo UK

http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/joy_idries.html